EASE IN VERBAL EXCHANGES

...As a result of this unperturbed character, we grow to be generally more patient, having the desire of staying simple, staying alive.

Hello friends!  Last time, we looked at the etymology of the word "simple" and as my personal choices, I mentioned selected synonyms which I believe encompass the various forms of simplicity as seen or experienced in our daily encounters:  easy, uncomplicated, painless, plain, unadorned , unflashy and sincere.  It is fascinating to observe how these terms are either practised or neglected by people in their regular interaction with family members, friends and business associates.

A good question to ask ourselves to gauge our level of simplicity would be: "How many of our daily verbal exchanges end up on a positive note?  Let us call this one "Ease in Verbal Exchanges" or EVE. To score yourself, you can use the simple percentage adopted in many schools:  75% and higher - passing and below 75% - needs improvement, red mark or, if you desire rigidity for greater challenge, mark anything below 75% a failure and demand more from yourself through your own scheme.  If you're a smoker, less number of sticks for tomorrow or if you are totally dependent on your own vehicle for travelling, impose a carless day, etc.

Keeping tab of our dialogues within the day may be getting out of our simplicity paradigm. But since that is a necessary ingredient (i.e., establishing a definite yardstick for measuring ease in our human relations), we should not mind experiencing temporary inconveniences. Every conversational occasion can be counted as an event, that has a definite start and definite conclusion, making it possible for us to do a simple count and allowing for a way to come up with the grade. Positive-ending events divided by the total number of events should total 75% for a satisfactory grade or higher for more convincing grades.

I know the thought you're entertaining now - "That is not being simple!".  Well, we need to start somewhere.  As I mentioned a while ago, we need to be open to some inconveniences along the way.  A possible simple approach is to just recall how many positive events went through and consider that as the score for the day.  Simple, right?  Well, the trouble with that approach is it will encourage you to be very soft on yourself and reason out:  "OK, I have 20 positive events for today."  Sounds good, so far.  But the other side which is not accounted for in this oversimplistic approach is the number of negative events that will pull down your total score.  So, if you have 20 events but had 10 negative events, you are actually going to end up with a EVE of 66% (20/30), indicating a failure.

One thing has to be settled in this approach though and that is to be definite as to the determination or classification of events as positive or negative - here is where extreme subjectivity can lead to a flawed conclusion.  For example, if you are a parent and you just said NO (after due explanation and some stroking) to your adolescent child who wants to sleep over at his or her classmate's house, is that a negative or positive score?  One couple may say: "We hurt our daughter's feelings by saying no.  That is a negative event".  Another couple might say: "We have house rules about sleeping over in another person's house and that is allowed only if (1) a school work that requires group effort is pending or a big event is taking place like a debut celebration or (2) junior-senior prom where classmates would want some chitchat in a classmate's house and the parents of the host classmate are present to watch over the students or (3) No mixed gender in the overnight, or, if possible in the house set-up, 2 separate rooms for males and females. Here is where the necessity of a goal (discussed in our article dated Monday, January 12, 2015) comes in.  If we know our goals as parents, children, friends or business associates, it will be easier for us to gauge the negativity or positivity of a relational or conversational event.  In our example, the house rules set by the parents in the specific consideration of spending the night over in a classmate's house is itself the goal. 

There are unlimited number of examples covering the home, social circles, school, workplace, church and other places where social interaction happen.  The important thing is not to change the goal to suit the situation or make the event look positive. Consistency, after all, is akin to simplicity.  If you look at the terms related to simplicity as shown in the article dated Wednesday, January 14, 2015, you will note the terms "sincere", "absolute" and "unqualified", connoting that "changing horses in mid-stream" is not only risky but quite deceptive as it influences the desired results. 

There you have it - the EVE as a way of measuring your ease in verbal exchanges. Because you, too, aim for staying simple, staying alive.